It was a regular early morning. I was trying to be somewhere to meet a person. I rushed through my work and skipped breakfast to be there.
I reached the place and saw the person standing. Practically, I was on time.
I reached the place and saw the person standing. Practically, I was on time.
I walked up to him and said, “Hi. How are you?” Guess what the person said. “Oh hello. You are on time!”
Well, yes. I was on the verge of being late and I didn't want to, so I missed a couple of things to reach there. And as soon as I saw you, I found that you had already expected me to be late. Wow. "I want to know what else you think of me."
Admiring people for their work and stuff is awesome but what people fail to see is how they are giving out judgemental views camouflaged as words of love and support.
For you, it might be a positive thing to say, while for the person on the receiving end might not accept the words well.
Let's just go through the “compliments” that I have received or seen people receiving.
1. Your dress is beautiful but why not try wearing something else? It makes you look fat.
My friend, how about not making that statement? Because you said that the person is fat, and saying out to the person that he/she is fat, isn't a compliment by any standards. I have seen people say that and thereby create an awkward situation, while the person tries figuring out, “What was that supposed to mean anyway? A compliment?”
2. What have you done to your face/body? You look a lot younger!
That doesn't even sound like a compliment. Another such statement is, “You look better with makeup on”. The worst thing is that I have seen the girl being spoken to agree! Yes! Self-esteem passed away just then.
How do people throw around these statements under the pretext of compliments so often? Just tell me how. I don't know. Or, is it just me finding them to be insulting?
3. Wow, you are a girl and you are good at math/anything(that requires brain to function rigorously)!
I have heard this statement. Why? What was the need to mention the first half of the statement? This is not even close too a compliment! And it was one of the most irritating things that I have heard. I have seen boys of my class passing maths exams with distinction. I have seen girls do great in maths. I have seen some girls and boys fail in that subject, too.
Just once, if you understand the concept between being good at something and being someone of a specific gender, tell me. I want to know. Ughhh.
5. You are so much better in person!
Thanks for judging me before meeting me in person. I am happy I could change your negative thoughts about me, but why did you have negative thoughts about me in the first place?See that? That's what you do when you make that statement. You raise questions on yourself. Do not do it.
6. Smile, because that makes you look pretty.
When people, like me, first hear it, they feel over the top. Then appears a subsequent thought. “So I am not pretty otherwise.” Trust me, “smile 'coz that makes you look pretty” has the potential to remove smiles, if any. But, by all means, say “smile because that makes you look prettier”. What say?
7. Wow! You are so(specify a particular feature). You don't act like a (specify gender here).
Hand me over the rulebook that specifically states how I should sit or stand or talk because of my gender. That would be my request every time you make that statement.
By all means, correct me if I am politically wrong in saying or doing something. If your only argument is about my gender, I can't help you, I don't want to.
8. Amazing! But I don't mean to offend you, but.../ No offense but.../ Don't take it in a wrong way but...
More often than not, a compliment followed by anything you say after the 'but' are offensive, however much you sugarcoat them. Yes, you started with a compliment, but you neutralized it with the next part of the statement, or worse, insulted them instead.
9. I love how you don't care about your looks!
No, this can't be a compliment. You meant the person doesn't look good. Also, you said that they don't care about how awful they look. I want a microscope to read this statement and find an atom of compliment in it.
10. You look nothing like your picture!
What is that supposed to mean? Either you are trying to praise my picture somewhere and you said that I don't look good in real life, or you said I look good in real life and bad otherwise. Either way, you have asked for my derision for the rest of your life.
I guess that's all the "compliments" I could think of.
This post was to help people understand how their words might mean completely opposite to what they intend to say. So, hopefully, this is going to be helpful.
Also, if you are on the receiving end of such comments, just give it a thought. Maybe they don't actually intend to say what they just said.
See, if you're with friends, it might not be a big issue to say these things and get away with. However, under formal and semi-formal conditions, judge your words before you speak so that people don't judge you.
This post was a bit, just a bit, exaggerated because I wanted it to be fun to read. All that I would want to end this with is “Think before you speak and the world will be a perfect place.”
Keep Smiling! 😊
Hey everyone! I am back with a new post. I hope you like it. Feedbacks and suggestions are welcome. You can send me emails at saimasohail.officially@gmail.com
Author: Saima Sohail
About the author: A student, who likes to write in her free time. Expressing her views and talking about her experiences in studies, and life values, in general, are all that she does when she writes.
Note: All the pictures that have been published on this blog are copyright-free and are obtained from “unsplash.com”
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